How to get real answers from your doctor

I finally get to share something I've been dying to tell you. Melinda Gates, someone I've admired for years and have had on my dream guest list since day one of my podcast, asked to come on The Tamsen Show to make an announcement about women's health that is going to change everything for us. That episode drops today and you can be the first to hear it. Listen here.

I changed doctors five times before I was taken seriously in my 40s, but by then, it was too late…I was already in menopause. For over seven years, when I brought up odd symptoms that seemed to appear out of nowhere, I wasn't taken seriously.

I hear stories like this every day from women at every stage of their life. The woman who can't sleep anymore and has no idea perimenopause might be why. The young woman white-knuckling her way through endometriosis or PMDD or PCOS while being told it's just a bad period. The woman navigating hot flashes and brain fog, leaving every appointment more confused than when she walked in.

As frustrating as it is, I don't blame the doctors. Women's health is severely understudied, and that gap in research means even well-meaning doctors don't always have the answers we need. But according to hormone specialist Dr. Gillian Goddard, that doesn't mean we have to suffer.

"Your symptoms are valid," she told me on The Tamsen Show. "Whether you're in puberty or perimenopause or beyond, if you're having symptoms, regardless of what's causing them, they should be addressed."

So I asked her what women can actually do to get the care they deserve. She said it starts before you even walk through that door–with a plan. And today, I wanted to share that plan with you so you can walk away from your next appointment feeling heard, informed, and more in tune with your body.

1. Start the appointment by saying what you came to say. You have 10 to 15 minutes with your doctor. Don't save the real reason you're there for the end of the appointment. State your goal early and tell your doctor this is the conversation you're hoping to have today. As Dr. Goddard puts it, "if you don't speak up, they can't read your mind. And then the next thing you know you've got 30 seconds left and everybody's feeling rushed."

2. Come with data, not just feelings. When you keep a record of what's been happening with your body, you give your doctor something concrete to work with. I created a perimenopause and menopause symptom tracker that you can use, or just use your notes app to log when symptoms are worst, and notice any patterns. The more specific you are, the harder it is to be dismissed.

3. Write out your questions before you get there. Dr. Goddard encourages patients to do a little research before their appointments because, as she says, "how do you know what questions you even need to ask if you're going in completely blind?" Showing up with specific questions makes you a participant in your own care rather than a passenger in it.

4. Know your contraceptive needs. This one surprises a lot of women. If you're in your late 30s or early 40s, something important to know is that you can still get pregnant during the perimenopausal transition. The conversation about your symptoms and the conversation about contraception are not two separate appointments. They need to happen in the same room at the same time.

5. Remember that the name of your stage matters less than getting help. Whatever your doctor calls what you're going through, what matters is that your symptoms are being taken seriously and your options are on the table. You do not need a perfect diagnosis to deserve care. You just need a doctor who is willing to work toward one with you.

If you want a deeper understanding of what is actually happening to your body as your hormones shift and change throughout your life, my full conversation with Dr. Gillian Goddard on The Tamsen Show is worth every minute. We cover hormones, hormone therapy, testosterone, and so much more.

I got a lot out of this one, and I think you will too. If you know someone who is confused and frustrated trying to navigate the doctor's office, forward this to her.

Here's to going in prepared.

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