What Getting Less Done Actually Did for My Face

Something happens to the conversation about beauty when women hit midlife. It either goes completely quiet or everyone is performing a very natural version of themselves that required a significant amount of work to achieve.

And I get it. Most of us were never taught that this was a conversation we were allowed to have openly. But I think there's something really freeing about just saying the real thing out loud. So that's what I want to do here.

I answered a question recently on my podcast about whether I've gotten work done and I want to be honest here the same way I was honest there.

I have not had plastic surgery. I do Botox and I used to do a lot of filler until my dermatologist Dr. Doris Day looked at my face and told me we were doing less, not more. Which terrified me because more had always felt like the answer.

But what had actually happened was that my face had gotten so full I could no longer smile naturally. She dissolved a significant amount of what I had been building up for years. My face moved again and I looked younger. It was the complete opposite of what I expected.

I also do Sofwave, which is a laser treatment that hurts and then works so quietly that one day people just start telling you that you look really good and you can't explain why. 

I dermaplane regularly and I get a facial every six weeks. As for hair, I get a Keratin treatment every four months. 

One thing I’ve noticed is that I am consistent about ingredients in a way I wasn't earlier in my life and that consistency has made more of a difference than any single product ever has.

The women I find most refreshing are not the ones who never do anything, but they're not the ones who do everything. They're the ones who are open about what they do and don’t do, and why. The women who can say “I get Botox because I like how it makes me feel” or who can say “I stopped doing as much filler because it stopped feeling like me.” Who can hold both of those things without performing a particular identity around it.

A few things I've actually learned after years of navigating this…

1. More is not always the answer. 

I genuinely thought more volume, more treatment, and more intervention was how you stayed ahead of aging. What I learned is that the goal isn't to stop looking like yourself, it's to look like the best version of yourself. Sometimes that means adding something, but sometimes it means dissolving something you already added.

2. Consistency beats novelty every single time. 

I spent years switching products constantly and chasing whatever was newest. What actually changed my skin and hair was picking a routine and sticking with it long enough to see what it was doing. 

3. The confidence piece is separate from the procedure piece. 

What you do or don't do to your face is not what gives you confidence. I know women who have had everything done and still cannot walk into a room and own it. The confidence comes from knowing who you are. Don't confuse the two.

4. The conversation gets better when we're real with each other. 

When I started talking openly about what I do and what I've had done, something shifted in how women responded. They stopped feeling alone in their own choices because they could see that the woman they were looking at was also making choices. 

5. The beauty standard keeps moving. It always has. 

The women who seem to age most gracefully are the ones who made choices that felt true to them, were open about those choices, and stopped measuring themselves against a target that was never designed to be reached.

We've gotten pretty good at having the honest menopause conversation and I think we can do the same thing here.

Listen to Do Me and Ira Ever Fight? Your Spiciest Questions Answered here or you can watch it here.

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