Why Leaving a Narcissist Feels Impossible and the First Mental Shift That Changes Everything

Many women who leave narcissistic marriages say the same thing, “You’re going to meet him and believe him, and you’ll think I’m crazy.”

Sue Moss, one of the country’s top divorce attorneys, hears this warning constantly. On The Tamsen Show, she explains why that fear feels so real and why it almost never turns out to be true.

According to Sue Moss, narcissistic partners do not just argue or manipulate, they implant doubt. Over time, they condition their spouse to question their own judgment, memory, and worth. She describes it as a “chip” installed in the other person’s head, where the narcissist occupies mental space without paying rent. The result is self-policing, self-blame, and paralysis.

Sue Moss states on The Tamsen Show that emotional and verbal abuse are often more damaging than physical abuse because they convince someone they deserve the treatment. Many women arrive at her office apologizing for being hit, controlled, or financially restricted. She counters this pattern by naming it out loud.

The first step toward leaving is not filing paperwork, it is learning. Sue Moss emphasizes that many women start by saying, “I’m not getting divorced, I just want information.” That distinction matters because learning the rules removes fear and knowledge breaks the fog.

She also explains that narcissists rely on isolation. Early warning signs include being corrected constantly, discouraged from seeing friends or family, or hearing subtle criticism about loved ones framed as concern. These behaviors escalate if unchallenged.

Instead of asking, “What did I do wrong?” Sue Moss urges women to ask, “If this behavior were directed at my daughter or friend, what would I think?” That reframing begins the eviction process.

If you want to learn more, listen to this full conversation on The Tamsen Show.