Your “identity” is holding you back

There are moments in life when the exact thing you need to hear is revealed to you at precisely the right moment.

It was 2022 when I was wrestling with the decision to keep my job as a news anchor, a career that defined my identity, or step into something completely different, something that I didn't fully understand.

It was also 2022 when I picked up a book that changed my life, Arthur C. Brooks’ From Strength To Strength. In that book, and in a conversation I had with him on The Tamsen Show (you can watch it here), Arthur not only explained what I was feeling, but gave me the language and permission I needed to make peace with a decision that terrified me.

For nearly thirty years, I believed the most valuable part of myself was my career. My entire identity was built around the news desk: I was Tamsen the journalist, Tamsen the news anchor. This identity brought a lot of good into my life. It allowed me to live and work in my favorite city, it introduced me to incredible people, and I got to travel the world to learn from those whose lives couldn't be more different than mine.

So when I simultaneously began opening up about my experience with menopause online, it wasn’t a career move by any means. I was simply sharing information that I wish someone had given me. Certainly, I was not expecting my posts on social media to build the following that it had. But soon enough, it became all I could think about. I thought about how I could help more women in midlife while I was heading to work, as I got prepped to go on live TV, and on my commute home.

I couldn’t understand what was happening. For all my life, I dreamed about being a reporter. And there I was, actively living my dream, but feeling the pull to go in this other direction. At first, I tried to quiet the voice within me urging me to move more seriously into menopause advocacy. I remember thinking, “If I walk away from my job as a news anchor, will I still matter?”

This is when I came across what Arthur describes as the two types of intelligence that shape our lives. The first is fluid intelligence: the ability to solve problems quickly, think on your feet, figure things out on your own. That’s what helped me succeed early in my career. The second is crystallized intelligence: the ability to take what you know and turn it into something meaningful for others. Fluid intelligence, he points out, peaks early and decreases with age, while crystalized intelligence increases with age.

Suddenly everything made sense. My problem wasn’t that I wanted to leave my job as a news anchor, it was that I felt pressured to stay. I let my identity as “Tamsen the reporter” become my story. A story that I had outgrown, but was still trying to fit inside of.

The world wants to tell you that your best years are behind you. But the science reveals that midlife is where your most meaningful years begin. It’s when you start to feel a pull toward something bigger, like community and teaching, toward work that feels more like a calling than a career.

If you’re feeling that pull but can’t explain it, my conversation with Arthur is for you.

In this episode, Arthur draws on decades of research in happiness and behavioral science to share the six pillars that help us build a meaningful life. We discuss:

• How modern life negatively impacts your brain, happiness, and sense of purpose
• Why midlife is the perfect opportunity to start a new chapter
• How suffering is a powerful advantage for growth
• The six pillars that lead to long-term happiness and fulfillment
• Three rules for a happy marriage
• Why we feel lonely and how to change that
• Small shifts that can deepen your connection with others
• Why we choose the wrong partners and what to look for instead

By the end of this episode, you’ll have the tools, habits, and framework to start answering one of the most important questions you can ask: What is the meaning of my life?