7 Things I Wish I'd Known at 35

I'm 55 and lately I keep thinking about the women in my life in their 30s and 40s, the girls on my team, so many of you who reach out every day.

What would I tell her? The 35-year-old version of me who was running hard, doubting herself constantly, and accepting a lot less than she deserved?

I drilled it down to seven things…

1. Be careful how you talk about yourself.

That low-grade commentary running in your head is not private. It shows up in how you walk into a room, how you shake someone's hand, how you carry yourself. People feel what you're broadcasting even when they can't hear it.

The habit: Next time you hear that voice, ask yourself, “Would I let my best friend say that about herself?” If not, you don't get to say it either.

2. Notice who gets uncomfortable when you're doing well.

Jealousy in a grown woman doesn't look like envy. It looks like the friend who goes quiet when something goes right, but texts the second something falls apart. The person who says "must be nice" instead of "I'm so proud of you."

The habit: When something good happens, watch the room for who goes quiet.

3. Choose your relationships carefully.

One bad relationship can quietly shrink your whole life. The way you stop trusting yourself, stop showing up, stop knowing who you are.

The habit: Look at the closest person in your life. Are you bigger or smaller because of them? Trust the first answer before you start justifying.

4. 99% of the time, it has nothing to do with you.

The short email, the weird look, the unanswered text. Most people are just trying to survive their own lives. The hours I lost in my 30s spinning over things that had nothing to do with me, I want those back.

The habit: Before you spiral, ask yourself, “What's the most generous read?” That's usually the right one.

5. Stop apologizing for your feelings.

Every time you lead with "sorry, I know I'm being dramatic," you're training your brain that your feelings are an inconvenience. Slowly, you stop trusting yourself.

The habit: Take the sorry out and say the thing anyway. "This isn't working for me." No apology, just the truth.

6. If it won't matter a year from now, stop giving it so much weight.

I spent my 30s wrecked over things I can't even remember now. A bad night on air, a critical email, aguy who didn't call back. A month later I couldn't tell you what any of it was about.

The habit: Ask yourself, “Will this matter in a year?” If not, give it a few minutes, then put it down. Save the big energy for the things that deserve it.

7. The way you treat your body now determines how it treats you later.

In your 30s your body absorbs everything without complaint, bad sleep, skipped workouts, chronic stress. It doesn't say a word, it just keeps a quiet ledger, and it cashes that bill in your 50s.

I learned this the hard way when perimenopause hit. I was eating better and working out harder than ever, and my body became unfamiliar to me.

Taking care of yourself is not vanity, it is the most loving thing you can do for your future self.

The habit: Pick one thing this week. Drink water, lift something heavy, sleep 20 minutes more. Then do it again the next day. Your future self is counting on you.

🎙️ Listen to the full episode of The Tamsen Show here or watch it here.

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