The Caregiver Crisis No One Talks About: Why Taking Care of Yourself Keeps Your Loved One Alive

“I thought I had to do it all,” Emma Heming Willis admitted on The Tamsen Show Podcast.

As a wife, mother, and caregiver, she did “do it all,” until her daughter Scout pulled her aside and said, “I’m more worried about you than Dad.”

That moment hit her like a wall.

Emma, like many women, had subscribed to the belief that caregiving meant doing it all. That asking for help meant failure. But research says otherwise and what she found was staggering. 

According to a study she cited, 30% of caregivers die before the person they’re caring for. 

Let that sink in. Caregiving, without support, doesn’t just wear you out, it can kill you.

That statistic, along with a direct warning from Bruce’s neurologist, forced Emma to reevaluate everything.

“She told me, you have the resources to bring in help. Use them. Because this disease is progressive. You won’t be able to do it all alone,” Emma recalled. “And I needed that permission.”

The deeper Emma went into research and conversations with experts, the clearer the pattern became. Dr. Lauren Massimo’s work revealed that when caregivers start taking care of themselves, the person they care for shows measurable behavioral improvements. Your well-being affects theirs.

Still, most caregivers don’t prioritize their own health. Over 40% skip their own medical appointments because they don’t have time, they can’t leave the house, and there’s no one else.

Emma’s message is clear: Caregiving is not a solo mission.

She now tells other caregivers to create a living “help list” in their notes app with things they need, even small ones like prescription pickups or help with school drop-offs. That way, when someone says, “Let me know how I can help,” you can hand them a task.

It’s not a weakness, it's a strategy.

If you’ve been trying to do this alone, you don’t have to. Emma’s story is a reminder that taking care of someone you love starts with taking care of yourself.

If you’re a caregiver, or love someone who is, listen to Emma Heming Willis’s full conversation on The Tamsen Show Podcast.