How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty
Terri Cole
Are you the one who always says yes? Who fixes, accommodates, anticipates, and quietly resents it later?
In this week’s episode, Tamsen sits down with psychotherapist and bestselling author Terri Cole to talk about the hidden habits of high functioning codependents, especially in midlife, during perimenopause, or after a major life shift.
They talk about:
-Explain what high-functioning codependency actually looks like and why most women don’t recognize it
-Break down how menopause can be a wake-up call for self-abandonment
-Share why so many women feel emotionally drained in midlife and what to do about it
-Unpack the patterns we learn in childhood that shape how we caretake and over-function
-Offer scripts and boundary tools to help you say no, protect your energy, and finally consider yourself
This is a must-listen for anyone who feels like they’re doing it all, but losing themselves in the process.
01:50 – Feeling unfulfilled in your career
04:12 – You can hit a wall in peri menopause
06:31 – What do you get to not face, not feel, and not experience?
09:10 – What is a high-functioning codependent (HFC)?
11:37 – How fixing others becomes a form of control
14:32 – Anticipatory planning
17:15 – Terri’s example of setting boundaries in her life
20:00 – Tools to stop people-pleasing and start choosing yourself
22:55 – Thee myth of having no needs
26:20 – Why being an HFC negatively impacts intimacy
29:19 – From auto-yes to solid no
33:05 – Scripts and strategies for difficult conversations
35:42 – How honest people become emotionally trustworthy
37:30 – HFCs and a victim mindset
41:46 – Two self consideration questions
44:18 – Red flags and dynamics to look out for while dating an HFC
47:00 – How do we consider ourselves first
48:53 – Our body language should support what we’re saying
51:01 – Terri’s #1 piece of advice
Watch the Full Episode Here: https://www.youtube.com/@TamsenFadalTV
Get my new book, How To Menopause, Take Charge of Your Health, Reclaim Your Life and Feel Even Better Than Before 💖 http://www.howtomenopause.com
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Medical Disclaimer:
The information provided in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional regarding any medical concerns or treatment options. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of The Tamsen Show.
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I’m an Emmy Award-winning journalist, filmmaker, author, speaker, certified integrative nutrition coach, and passionate menopause advocate.
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Every episode of The Tamsen Show is here to help you navigate every stage of life with confidence. From career pivots to menopause, relationships to reinvention, Tamsen tackles the conversations women actually need, with real talk from experts, wellness advice and no filters.
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