Are You the Adult Child of an Emotionally Immature Parent? | The Tamsen Show

Do you feel like you’re always the one trying to “fix” things in your relationships? Maybe you grew up walking on eggshells around a volatile parent or felt like your needs never quite made it to the top of anyone’s list. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Lindsay Gibson, many adults are carrying invisible wounds from growing up with emotionally immature parents and they often don’t even know it.

As Dr. Gibson explained, emotional immaturity isn’t about age or intelligence, it’s about a lack of emotional development. “They’re not objective. They decide what reality is based on how they feel,” she said. These are the parents who center every situation around themselves, dismiss your experiences, or externalize blame. Over time, this can create what Dr. Gibson calls emotional loneliness a persistent sense that you can’t be fully seen or safe in your relationships.

Dr. Gibson outlined four types of emotionally immature parents: the emotional, the driven, the rejecting, and the passive. Do any of these sound familiar?

1. The Emotional Parent: This parent is ruled by their feelings, and the household often revolves around keeping them emotionally stable. Children learn to walk on eggshells and suppress their own needs to avoid triggering emotional outbursts or shutdowns.

2. The Driven Parent: Achievement-focused and hyper-task-oriented, this parent pushes for external success but avoids emotional depth. They focus on fixing problems, not connecting emotionally, often leaving children feeling unseen and emotionally unsupported.

3. The Passive Parent: Often warm but emotionally immature in their own right, the passive parent avoids conflict and responsibility. They may comfort their child but fail to protect them, often forcing the child to manage the more volatile parent.

4. The Rejecting Parent: Emotionally unavailable and disengaged, this parent may make the child feel unwanted or like an inconvenience. The child’s efforts to connect are often met with coldness or indifference, leaving lasting feelings of rejection.

Each affects children differently, but all leave deep imprints that can show up in adulthood, especially in how we relate to others and to ourselves.

If you’ve ever wondered why you feel responsible for everyone’s happiness or why conflict feels unsafe, you might be replaying patterns that began in childhood. Awareness is the first step toward healing and as Dr. Gibson shared, midlife can be a powerful opportunity to finally grow into your authentic self.

Want to learn more? Listen to this episode of The Tamsen Show Podcast.