Dr. Aliza Pressman describes a “hormonal household” as one where a parent is in perimenopause or menopause while raising a teenager. Both parent and child are in stages of brain and hormonal change and it can get tense.
Why it happens
- Adolescents: The prefrontal cortex, responsible for self-regulation, isn’t fully developed until the mid-to-late 20s (Casey et al., 2008). Teens are “all gas, no brakes,” as Dr. Pressman puts it.
- Perimenopausal adults: Brain imaging research (Mosconi et al., 2021) shows changes in the frontal lobe during menopause, the same area tied to regulation.
When both people are working with a temporarily less-efficient “regulation center,” conflict can escalate quickly.
How to manage it
- Lean into connection first. Even after a disagreement, focus on repair.
- Use a mantra. Dr. Pressman suggests reminders like, This isn’t an emergency or I’m not being chased by a bear to calm the nervous system.
- Practice mutual grace. Recognize that both parties are going through a kind of “renovation,” not a breakdown.
If you’re in a hormonal household, you’re not alone, and awareness is the first step toward keeping the peace.
Want to learn more? Listen to this episode of The Tamsen Show
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